Sup’s Sporadic Spewage of Syllables

In fact, screw the politeness. It doesn’t suck. Suck was years ago. It’s freakin’ shit. Pure raw shit. Humanity’s creativity has been going down the drain for years and nobody cares. This applies to everything, but I wanna keep it brief, so I’ll take it out on TV. The new trend with TV seems to rehash everything old and washed away that’s been done to death, but… sprinkle it with DRAMA! It’s like they’re trying to shove reality shows into everything. It sucks. Heroes? Superheroes with drama! Simpsons? Comedy with drama! Shark? Lawyers with drama!

Oh, and that’s another thing. These days it’s all about crime. Let’s take every single job vaguely related with crime, and completely make them take over everyone else in a completely non-sensical manner. You have policemen, detectives, lawyers, investigators, negotiators, security personnel, antropologists… solve a crime all on their own. Oh, and don’t forget: sprinkle it with drama!

Dear FOX Portugal, the following shows suck:
- Bones
- Close to Home
- Cold Case
- Desperate Housewives
- E-Ring
- Heroes
- Invasion
- John Doe
- King of the Hill
- Law & Order
- Lost
- O.C.
- Reunion
- Shark
- Six Feet Under
- Standoff
- Surface
- The Dead Zone
- The Unit
- Tru Calling
(…)

Also, you suck for killing the following shows:
- Futurama
- Simpsons

Seriously, I’m fed up with your second-ass crime shows that just keep coming and coming which are basically some lame-ass person who is an asshat single-handedly solving crimes and bossing people around while still dealing with the ever-constant menace of family/love/friend/etc. drama! And the crimes are just more and more fucked up! They’re pratically a milimeter away from pedophilism. And in the meantime, the one funny crime show you’ve put on, Boston Legal, gets tossed away to some crazy AM schedule!

Also, Lost, WTF. Seriously, WTF.

Dear Cartoon Network, the following shows suck:
- Ben 10
- Class of 3000
- Juniper Lee
- King Arthur’s Disasters
- Robotboy

Also, you suck for killing the following shows:
- Courage the Cowardly Dog
- Dexter’s Laboratory
- Ed, Edd and Eddy
- Johnny Bravo
- Samurai Jack
(…)

Quit giving us more new shit cartoons with more new shit episodes when perfectly good shows keep getting canned or turned into shit. Quit kicking off the few good directors you have left just because Shitty McBarfPants will do a cheaper job!

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So I went off to watch the Simpsons movie today. Now, we’ve all seen Simpsons. The TV show. The moral start. The golden middle. The declining present… so clearly, expectations for the movie were mixed. Though FOX has been pimping the crap out of the movie with tons of trailers, photos, videos, games, popular character creator, elaborate site and what not.

So, is the Simpsons Movie good? Yes. It’s good. Possibly even really good. It’s not really good movie-wise, but it’s really good Simpsons-wise. It’s enjoyable. It’s funny. It looks good. It definitely shows what Simpsons is (or at least, should be) all about.

One thing I think is that they really took a risk was at making the movie focused at the Simpsons audience. I mean, the movie might still be good if you’ve never watched Simpsons, but there’s definitely a lot more to be earned if you have. A lot more jokes that’ll seem a lot funnier or make a lot more sense. Though given the extent of the movie, it’s probably a good thing that they did. That way they could spend all the time they wanted making the movie funny. They also took the time to make sure all the known Springfield characters make a joke (or show up) at least once, showing they didn’t forget any. It also makes you realize just how huge Springfield really is.

Now, the main point of the movie is, of course, the humour. It’s Simpsons. It’s all about the funny. And the humour is definitely much better than the one from the TV series as of late. It’s a mix of crude, unexpected, clever, sophisticated, political, american and mindless humour. So they’ll be sure to please everyone even if not everyone will get all the jokes. As an example of this is one of the jokes in the beginning which you’ve probably seen in the trailer. Homer is trying to hammer a nail in the roof and puts his finger over it, so you immediately expect him to hit his finger as tradition dictates. Yet, PLOT TWIST, he hits his eye instead! Also followed by Homer’s retort “I’ll teach you to laugh at something that’s funny” as opposed to the traditional “I’ll show you funny”. There’s a lot of this kind of thing throughout the movie and it’s lovely.

I might as well warn you that if you’ve seen the trailer, you’ll already have seen most of the jokes from the first half of the movie. They might be out of context and not have the full set-up so they’ll still be funny, but it’ll still feel odd. Though at least the trailer made sure to not give away the plot or anything like that so you’ll still enjoy it.

The production values are also very good. They’re obviously better than the TV show, but they’re still damn good. At first I was a bit warey of the 2D/3D mesh they did to keep the Simpsons style in a more modern setting, which seemed a bit tacky at first. But they make full use of it with all sorts of camera angles, special effects and make all of Springfield (and more!) look much nicer. The sound is also very nice, with the music keeping in with the Simpsons style and still changing according to the setting, with the theme still everlasting. The voice acting is also as good as always, with all of the original cast having done their best to make the characters in the movie seem that bit more lively than in the TV series.

Now, for the rest. It obviously can’t be all that good. The story is nothing extraordinary. It fills its role of having all the movie requirements like action, drama, humour, romance, suspense, etc. But it’s nothing breathtaking. But then again, plots were never the Simpsons’ strongpoint. Without spoiling anything, the plot and characterization focus more on the Simpons. Obviously, it’s their movie. But Springfield and extras all still do what they’re supposed to, each having a role in the movie either plot-dependent or just comic-relief. Luckily the show isn’t all about Homer, with every Simpsons character having an important role and Homer, while still his stupid loafy self, still manages to surprise us all.The first half of the movie will be mostly lots of humour and set up of the plot, while the second half will have all the unveiling, drama, romance, twists and whatever’s left, still with the occasional humour.

In the end, it’s no classic, but it’s got tons of humour, characters, guest characters and a fitting plot. It’s Simpsons any way you look at it, and you should enjoy it as such.

Protip: It only ends after the Credits.

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NO-SPOILER POST, because it’s not the kind of movie you can spoil. I tell you what it’s like, but no specifics, because really, the movie has no specifics. It’s all about the watching.

Ok, so I watched the Transformers movie. I’ve never watched any of its cartoons or read any of its books or any of that (or I did and I don’t remember. I’m old!), though I got the general idea through the wonderful world that is Teh Interwebs.

So anyways, the movie. It’s pretty cool. It’s action from start to end, no stops, no holding back. If you were expecting one of those movies that takes you through all slow-paced like, slowly uncovering the story, drama, romance, occasional humour, and then the big finale… nope, none of that here. No long character development, no tons of plot twists, no huge deep story about transforming robots, no nothing. It’s all about robots duking it out and lots of special effects, so you’ll be fine if you don’t expect anything else.

It’s pretty much 90% action and 10% everything else packed tight. You might think this is a bad thing, but really, the story doesn’t need to cover half the movie. Good robots, bad robots, a cube, FIGHT TO THE DEATH! It’s not rocket science. You still have your classical bits with drama, romance, suspense, etc. Because, you know, it’s DA RULEZ! But each bit doesn’t last more than a couple of minutes, which might feel forced at times, but it doesn’t really matter, you’ll know what’s going on.

Now, the action. Well, it’s action. You’ve got your explosions, your special effects, your robots beating up everything and then some, your rampant destruction, your people panicking, everything. And you’ll get it all full blown to your face! You can’t even blink or you’ll miss something. Probably nothing important, but who cares, it’s shit getting blown up, you don’t want to miss it. It’s not something I can easily describe. It’s all kinds of It’s all pretty fast-paced though so it won’t even feel like a two-hour movie, but all the sudden camera changes, fast-motion to slow-motion, various angles and scenes… can get pretty confusing. It’s pretty much a flood of every special effect and CGI they could pull off, really.

It’s all intertwined with the bits of “everything else” though, as mentioned earlier, just so it doesn’t get repetitive or anything. Most of that is humour, which might be considered rather “mindless” humour if you’re one of those snobby fancy sophisticated humour types. But then why are you watching this? This movie is all about good old mindless fun. If you can’t enjoy that, sucks to be you.

Oh yeah, and there’s still some bits of movie after the credits start rolling. Three bits, to be precise. After that, you can bail out of the theatre worry-free. Or your living room, depending on how you got the movie, but this is really the kind of movie that has to be watched in a big fat screen. You’re really missing out if you don’t.

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