NO-SPOILER POST, because it’s not the kind of movie you can spoil. I tell you what it’s like, but no specifics, because really, the movie has no specifics. It’s all about the watching.
Ok, so I watched the Transformers movie. I’ve never watched any of its cartoons or read any of its books or any of that (or I did and I don’t remember. I’m old!), though I got the general idea through the wonderful world that is Teh Interwebs.
So anyways, the movie. It’s pretty cool. It’s action from start to end, no stops, no holding back. If you were expecting one of those movies that takes you through all slow-paced like, slowly uncovering the story, drama, romance, occasional humour, and then the big finale… nope, none of that here. No long character development, no tons of plot twists, no huge deep story about transforming robots, no nothing. It’s all about robots duking it out and lots of special effects, so you’ll be fine if you don’t expect anything else.
It’s pretty much 90% action and 10% everything else packed tight. You might think this is a bad thing, but really, the story doesn’t need to cover half the movie. Good robots, bad robots, a cube, FIGHT TO THE DEATH! It’s not rocket science. You still have your classical bits with drama, romance, suspense, etc. Because, you know, it’s DA RULEZ! But each bit doesn’t last more than a couple of minutes, which might feel forced at times, but it doesn’t really matter, you’ll know what’s going on.
Now, the action. Well, it’s action. You’ve got your explosions, your special effects, your robots beating up everything and then some, your rampant destruction, your people panicking, everything. And you’ll get it all full blown to your face! You can’t even blink or you’ll miss something. Probably nothing important, but who cares, it’s shit getting blown up, you don’t want to miss it. It’s not something I can easily describe. It’s all kinds of It’s all pretty fast-paced though so it won’t even feel like a two-hour movie, but all the sudden camera changes, fast-motion to slow-motion, various angles and scenes… can get pretty confusing. It’s pretty much a flood of every special effect and CGI they could pull off, really.
It’s all intertwined with the bits of “everything else” though, as mentioned earlier, just so it doesn’t get repetitive or anything. Most of that is humour, which might be considered rather “mindless” humour if you’re one of those snobby fancy sophisticated humour types. But then why are you watching this? This movie is all about good old mindless fun. If you can’t enjoy that, sucks to be you.
Oh yeah, and there’s still some bits of movie after the credits start rolling. Three bits, to be precise. After that, you can bail out of the theatre worry-free. Or your living room, depending on how you got the movie, but this is really the kind of movie that has to be watched in a big fat screen. You’re really missing out if you don’t.
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